SUICIDAL THOUGHTS

I felt air currents shoot a noise from the underworld which isn't meant for a breathing soul. I also began to see things that are not in existence. It's like blades of agony were cutting through the deepest roots of my flesh. I tried to hide my hurt but the pain was visible on my hair follicles. Only I could see that my skin was on fire, it literally burned from inside. I slowly began to lose interest and pleasure in activities I loved being engaged in. I drastically loss weight, neither could I find it easy to sleep. I was irritated by every life and lifeless thing around, I became mentally and physically sluggish. For the first time since I was brought into this world I felt completely  guilty for nothing.

   I was willing to pour out my feelings to those I thought cared about me, but I realized that I was walking on this journey alone on one foot. No one seemed to care, I was left to paddle my boat, carry my cross and wallow in my woes. I felt like a salt that as lost it's taste, I was now literally the salt in Sodom and Gomorrah of the ancient times. There is nothing as bad as a salt losing it's taste. Then I said to myself, "Life is unfair", "Life is selfish, it only gives it's belongings to chosen individuals. If life doesn't want me, then it's time I left. It's time I kissed the dust and said goodbye to this unfair race of humanity. It's time all this ended. Clearly I was thinking but I wasn't reasoning. I took a rope, a chair and looked up. I found a place where I could end it all, then I took a paper and began to write. As I wrote, my hands kept shaking. I kept writing the word, "Option" repeatedly. Then finally, I didn't know how I wrote it, "Suicide is not an option". .

  As I wrote those words, tears rolled from my checks to the paper. The paper became completely wet that I could not even see the words clearly, then I realized that life actually isn't unfair. It has given me a reason to live again, I remembered how my friends smiled at me and said, "You're the best friend ever! Without you we couldn't have scaled through this odd", I recalled how my mum told me she loved me from the depths of her heart and that the day I was born was the most glorious day ever. I remembered how I told myself that I wanted to impart lives. Killing myself would have being the most selfish thing ever because my life isn't meant for me, it's meant for the happiness of others. There are always options, and to live is the best of them all. SUICIDE IS NOT AN OPTION!